Author´s Note: Reading the story
"Inspiration" on ffnet set off my imagination
on how Felicity might have handled her studies
concerning the human reproduction,
of which, in that time and age, and with her
upbringing, I assume she was pretty ignorant.
Reproduction
"Ugh, gross!" Disgusted and shocked,
Felicity King pushed the book away from her across the desk. Studying medicine
was very well and all, and she could see the need to know about even this
particular function of the human body, but...
She shuddered slightly. ´Imagine having to discuss medical problems concerning this... this
"thing"... with a man. Imagine having to examine it...!´ She turned beet-red at the
thought alone...
It was simply unfathomable. A lady like herself,
touching – or even just looking at a
man´s...
A quick shake of her head. It had taken an incredible
amount of self-conquest to just memorize its official Latin name, and even
write it down on the exam two weeks ago. How much more would it take to have
her even think the word without
blushing a fiery red?
This was never going to work. She simply wasn´t
brought up to use such language. In fact, she wasn´t brought up to know
anything at all about those sacred parts of the human body – male or female. They were so sacred that they
were completely taboo.
She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes for a
moment. Perhaps she should settle for becoming a women´s doctor? So that she
could ignore at least the uncomfortable facts to learn about the male body? For
somehow it caused far less uneasiness to read about the female body. She
actually found it rather fascinating to finally see some taboo mysteries of her
youth explained. Whereas she had no wish whatsoever to get acquainted with the
intimate parts of a man´s body.
She sighed. And smirked. No such chance. From what
she´d understood from her initial tutor Dr. Jones, a female doctor couldn´t
afford to be picky. She should be mighty glad for any patient that dared
entrust themselves to her. And she had witnessed with her own eyes that being a
female didn´t automatically mean preferring a female doctor. Why, at first even
Gus had scoffed at the idea of...
Gus...
She looked at the ring on her finger, and slowly
turned it around.
Gus. She had promised herself to him the last time he
was here: when he´d get back from Jamaica to leave his mother in the hopefully
safe and loving hands of Captain Crane, she would marry him.
Marry Gus. After all the years he had waited for her
to mature, and after several proposals from his side, she finally felt sure she
was ready to marry him. To build a life with him, a home, a family. But now she
was waiting for him instead.
She cradled the ringed finger in her hand. Marrying
Gus... She had been fantasizing about it quite a bit lately. Well, before, too,
that was true. But now it was getting close to reality. To share a home with
him, even a bed... She dreamt of lying in his arms at night, feeling his breath
softly brushing her skin. And a proper goodnight- and goodmorning-kiss of
course. And hopefully quite a few more during the day. She could almost hear
him whispering soft, loving words into her ear...
She only hoped – prayed – pregnancy wouldn´t strike
her too soon. For although she had no trouble picturing herself taking care of
an infant – hey, she´d had enough practice with Daniel – the idea of carrying a
child and giving birth still seemed rather unreal when it came to herself.
Hey, wait a minute! This chapter she was studying was
on human reproduction! Perhaps, if she knew a little more about it...? All
Mother had ever mentioned about it was some vague story about doves, and she
herself had always felt far too proper to further inquire into the matter. Come
to think of it, a brat like Felix might know a lot more about it than she did.
That clenched it: she pulled back the book towards
her, and leafed on a few pages till she came to the header ´The Human
Reproduction System´. And with stubborn determination she placed her chin on
her fists and started reading about the forbidden topic. After all, she
couldn´t very well let herself be outdone by her younger brother, could she?
And besides, it would be good to know what she´d get herself into when marrying
Gus.
♦
A few hours later she blew out the lamp and got into
bed.
But no matter how she tried, sleep refused to come.
For hours, she had studied this one paragraph: ´The Human Reproduction System´.
And mortified, shocked, intrigued and disgusted as she had felt upon
unravelling this mystery of life (and probably having gone through a good number
of other emotions more), she had never even gotten to the next paragraph about
pregnancy and birth; she just kept returning to the clinical description of how
babies were being made. Rereading it until she felt she knew it by heart. And
wished she had never read it. But still returning to read it again. And again.
And again.
A man was to bring his... his "thing"...
into the lower part of a woman´s body. And then sort of pee a spray of his seed
into her belly...?!
She shivered under her warm blankets. "That is
just plain disgusting," she muttered, still in shock from the revelation.
Sure, as a farmer´s daughter she knew that a male
animal would climb onto the females, and that this was necessary to get the
mother-animal in the family way. But never had she given any thought to the
possibility that the human body was designed to function in the same manner!
Could the Lord really have intended it that way?! So much for her innocent
notions about pregnancy being some kind of special illness to which somehow
only grown married women were prone...
And then, if everything went well, one of the seed
would connect with the woman´s egg – apparently a small version of a chicken´s
egg, but without a scale – and nestle into the woman´s belly – the womb – to
grow out to a new baby.
Once again, she closed her eyes in horror. How on
earth could any woman agree to such a
disgusting procedure? Having a man pee into you?! For the love of it, she could
not imagine any woman subject
themselves to such gross distastefulness. Nor a man to such low and tacky
actions. If that was how babies were being made, then she´d gladly forsake
motherhood. Perhaps she and Gus could adopt some orphaned children instead?
Anything to escape that horrid experience.
Besides, Gus would never, ever do such a disgusting thing to her. He was far too much of a
gentleman to...
Suddenly she sat up in bed, her eyes wide with
realization. "Oh-my-God..." She flinched at her own improper use of
the Lord´s holy name, but her mind was too preoccupied to give this blasphemous
slip of the tongue another thought.
For if this was truly the only way to make babies...
that meant that her very own parents had gone through this filthy procedure at
least four times! She gulped
painfully. Mother and Father?! Her respectable parents, the people who had
raised her and loved her, and to whom she looked up with love and – okay –
perhaps a little twinge of irritation about their old-fashioned ideas in some
matters...? Would they really have done a shocking thing like that!? Her father
– she pictured his easy-going face – peeing into her mother´s body?! And not
only once, but four times?! Or more, in case it didn´t always take right away?!
It was unthinkable! And Aunt Olivia and Uncle Jasper, and
Mr. and Mrs. Potts, and Grandpa and Grandma King (five times no less!); why,
even the King and Queen themselves! And with them all the people in the world
who ever had a child! And all those people – how many, a few billion? – were
the result of something so... so disgusting?!
She shuddered as in her mind she saw the world being
wrapped in a grey cloak of such a disgusting act. Suddenly she felt terribly
lonely; an outsider in a world where every man and woman were happily peeing
into one another – and she being the only one finding it a most disgusting
method. But how else could mankind have multiplied itself so vastly since Adam
and Eve?
Slowly she lay down again, pulling the blankets up to
her chin. It was a horrible thought, but what if Gus was eager to pee into her,
too? What did she know; after all,
she would never have expected her parents – or anyone; make that everyone – to sink that low either. Who
says Gus would be any better? She just couldn´t bear the thought of him
sticking his "thing" into her and...
She pulled the blankets over her head, to block out
every hint of a shadow of such an image forming in her head. That was it: she´d
have to write off Gus and remain a spinster for the rest of her days. Perhaps
she should join a convent – were there any Presbyterian convents? Otherwise
she´d simply have to turn Catholic. Anything
was better than the disgusting humiliation of having a man – even someone she
loved so much as Gus – pee into her.
She surfaced again from under the blankets, and though
her jaw was set with determination, she had to blink again and again to fight
back unbidden tears. It was all good and well: write off Gus and remain a
spinster or become a nun, but suddenly life seemed extremely dull and empty.
Ever since she was a little girl, as far back as she could remember she had
dreamt of having a family and being a mother and wife. And what about Gus? He
had been a solid part of that dream for years; she could scarcely imagine what
her future life would be like without him at her side.
Okay, he had hardly been around these past months
either. But he was there anyway: through his letters, and in dreams of a not so
distant future. But if she´d wilfully push him out of her life, would life be
worth living at all? And what if... Her heart set off at a racing pace as a
sudden hot surge of jealousy raged through her. For what if he found another
girl to his liking? One who didn´t mind him peeing into her? And he fell in
love with her, married her, and... had children with her?
She groaned, and cringed under her blankets. The
thought was unbearable, to say the very least. Perhaps... perhaps...
Suddenly a nearly forgotten memory fought its way to
the forefront of her mind. Daniel´s babyshower, so many years ago, with Mother
and Aunt Hetty arguing about being a mother to a child you´ve given birth to
yourself, or to one you´ve merely adopted. It had been a heated discussion, and
she vaguely remembered other ladies joining in as well: Mrs. Potts?
And in the heat of her plea, Mother had mentioned
something like the joy and the ecstasy of the primal act of nature.
At the time, innocent as she was, she had contributed
that remark to giving birth being the primal act of nature. But had Mother
really intended it that way? Her own vague recollection (from in between her
embarrassing fainting spells) of Daniel´s birth was of Mother being in terrible
pain and agony. Surely she would not describe that as joy and ecstasy? With a
voice jubilant at the thought alone?
And it wasn´t just Mother. Felicity King was not that innocent that she shouldn´t have
picked up by now that giving birth was a painful and often life-threatening
business. Now who would describe something like that with words like ´joy´ and
´ecstasy´?
And now, recollecting some more snippets from that
conversation, as well as especially her Aunt Hetty´s evident embarrassment
following Mother´s words... perhaps this primal act of nature Mother had
referred to had been the making of a
baby instead?
She shuddered. For the love of them, her mind refused
to form an image of her father peeing into her mother´s body. Yet if this book
was serious – and why shouldn´t it be, since it was meant to educate doctors –
he really must have done so. Four times no less. And yet Mother spoke of it
with words like ´joy´ and ´ecstasy´?!
Perhaps there was more to it then. More at least than
the clinical description in a medical scholar´s literature. If everyone – and
literally everyone who ever had
children – did it, perhaps it wasn´t so bad after all. Disgusting nonetheless,
but in some mysterious way even inspiring words like ´joy´ and ´ecstasy´.
She sighed. She probably should give it a try then
when the time had come. If it really was that horrible as she imagined, at least
she felt reasonably certain that Gus wouldn´t push her into a repetition of the
procedure. She knew him well enough to know that he would never force her to do
a thing she´d abhor. Even if he himself would like it.
And hey, if it was indeed as unbelievably glorious as
Mother´s panegyric would lead one to believe, then at least she wouldn´t have
foregone a happy life with Gus, just to avoid this procedure altogether.
Which meant giving it a try was actually her only
option if she wanted Gus by her side. For watching Gus marry someone else was
simply not a viable alternative; she´d rather have him humiliate her to the
bone by peeing into her than seeing him with another woman.
She heaved a deep sigh, and turned to her side. Better
try and get some sleep; she had a full day of classes ahead of her tomorrow.
She probably just needed some time to digest this newfound knowledge. At least
she had sorted it out sufficiently now to conclude that no matter how
disgusting it was, it wasn´t worth writing off Gus because of it.
But write to him about it she could. Even at two
o´clock in the morning. Just to test the waters how he felt about it. She
wondered if he knew. And taking out a sheet of writing-paper and a pen, she
chuckled mischievously at the thought of how he would blush upon reading a
letter of hers on this particular subject. She could just picture him, sitting
on deck in the sun, with the sea-breeze tousling his soft dark hair. And with
his ears turning redder and redder with every line he read.
And she hesitated. Her fingers toyed with the
fountain-pen as she pensively placed her other hand on her belly.
Perhaps... perhaps carrying Gus´s child under her
heart one day would be worth the momentary discomfort of letting him pee his
seed into her...?
The End
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